Austin Girl's Page

Click Wine Group
Attn: Peter Click, President & CEO
808 Howell Street
5th Floor
Seattle, WA 98101

Dear Mr. Click:

I have a bone to pick with you…I got my paws on a bottle of your Fat Bastard.
First, let me compliment you on developing a first-class wine that goes well with Science Diet and after dinner treats; it’s a real tail wagger. However, you have stolen my nickname, which my owner has given me and that makes me “hot under the collar.” Now when my owner calls out─where’s Fat Bastard─she’s no longer referring to me. Nonetheless, I remain a proud Beagle/Blue-Healer mix who was Oklahoma born and bred.

In view of the fact that you are using my nickname “Fat Bastard” to market your product, I believe legal action is merited. This was confirmed by talking to my cousin, Legal Beagle with the Law Offices of Howling and Barking. And in lieu of unleashing my Legal Beagle on you, I offer other alternatives in settling this dispute─so it doesn’t turn into a dog fight.

I prefer to spend most of my days lounging on my couch and not fretting on your infringement of my nickname, so in the spirit of “if you can’t lick em─join em”─ I am offering to drop all my rights to my nickname… “Fat Bastard” in exchange for one (1) case of Fat Bastard to be delivered to my dog house annually (and this ain’t no DOG SHIT!).

To prove my claim to the nickname, “Fat Bastard,” I have included an 8 x 10 glossy.

When this contention is amiably resolved–I will stop snarling at the sight of Fat Bastard.

My owner Austin Girl LOVES her Fat Bastard… (That’s me and your wine).

Sincerely,

Fat Bastard (the Beagle)

P.S. I am available for press conferences and photo sessions, but you will have to bring Fat Bastard!

© 2005 Austin Girl